Summer Stuff
It’s June. The sun is shining; I sweat profusely upon setting a single toe outside. This humidity is no joke.
Last week, I went out to lunch with my family. From where she sat at the head of the table, my four year old took her metal fork and knife and began banging loudly on top of her water cup.
Kindly, always so kindly, I asked if she’d please refrain from playing the drums at a public eating establishment.
“Mom, YAH BO-WING!” was her response.
Translation: “Mom, you are boring.”
And you know what? I am boring. I’m feeling super, super boring lately. I’m not really mad at it, though.
What follows is a paragraph about how boring I am:
I downloaded the WalkFit app, recommended to me by my mother, so I can complete my little walking workouts each day and try to hit my designated number of steps. I’ve been cleaning and organizing the house. Folding laundry AND PUTTING IT AWAY, until my eyes are falling out of my head. I even cleaned baseboards. I organized my closet, all the while listening to a podcast about Russian deserters, narrated by Liev Schreiber. (SUPER INTERESTING… do not miss). And I’m sound asleep by 9:30 pm, 10:00 at the latest. Up at 6. It truly is a very boring, very what you see is what you get existence.
What I’m referring to as boring, in our current political reality, feels like a gift. With all of the terrifying events unfolding in our country and abroad, I am lucky to be so boring.
The problem is, my own voice is even starting to bore me. Maybe that’s a sign. That this newsletter has run it’s course. Maybe it’s fear… that everything I have to say is tired and pointless and unoriginal. That it’s not making a difference. That everything is hopeless in this godforsaken place. Frankly, I’m a little tired of the way my mind works.
One thing that is not boring is the book I’m currently reading, Sociopath; it’s this month’s bookclub pick. Sociopath is a memoir by Patric Gagne; a fascinating read about her life as a diagnosed sociopath. It has helped me to uncover some key differences between sociopathy and psychopathy. I had no idea!! If you don’t want to read the book, which is your prerogative, but I feel you are missing out, then at least read this interview.
Turns out, psychopathy is the more severe diagnosis. It sounds worse, right? People with psychopathy struggle with maintaining emotional attachments, and they tend to be more manipulative. Sociopathy is basically just me on a day when everyone is getting on my nerves, and the kids are hanging off my arms and waist.
No, I shouldn’t say that. I’m acting like a real ‘fauxciopath,’ one of Gagne’s phrases.
This memoir dives deep into Gagne’s psychotherapy sessions, recounting her revelations and tender moments. It’s profound, raw, and honest.
Psychologist and researcher Robert Plutchik found that sociopaths and psychopaths have no problem with feeling some “‘primary’ emotions: anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, anticipation, trust, and joy. But there is another set of feelings that is not inherent.” These emotions, according to Gagne’s professor at UCLA, Dr. Slack, are “‘empathy, guilt, shame, remorse, jealousy, even love—these are considered social emotions. We’re not born with them. They’re learned.’”
In her memoir, Patric Gagne recounts breaking the law, countless times. She’d go on joy rides in stolen cars. Break into other peoples’ homes. All to ease the apathy. To feel something.
I highly recommend this book. It’s just totally different and groundbreaking. I’ve never read anything like it.
Well, that’s all I’ve got for today. See, kinda… boring. But I’m still here. Chugging along. Getting on with life. Staying grateful.
So happy summer, everyone! Stay cool.