Sticks and Stones

“You absolutely must have faith in yourself, that what you need to talk about is important, and that a reader will care about it. You have to go into this believing you are worth being heard.” - Jami Attenberg, 1,000 Words

Recently I read something mean that someone—whom I presume to be a stranger, but honestly maybe he isn’t—wrote in response to my writing. This was a comment that appeared at the bottom of my latest Evanston RoundTable column.

Read the comment below:

First of all, let me get some of this residual anger out of my system, which will take the form of a roast:

Delvey Bruckner, f*** you. Is that pseudonym in reference to something that I don’t understand, because I’m not your intellectual equal, Mr. Bruckner? Or were you just going for a name that appeared ridiculous for comedic value? Either way I hate you, so it doesn’t matter. Cool Mark Twain quote, by the way.

If you are going to say something like this, use your real name. Take your mask off; I’m begging you. I would bet my entire life savings you’re a man. That being said, I’d like to introduce you to this book: Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America. Why don’t you do a little light reading on this chilly Saturday? Educate yourself, Delvey.

Okay, roast over. Now I shall pivot and give myself a little therapy, because real therapy is expensive, and I can only afford it once a month.

Why did this comment irk me so much? Why did I allow Delvey to wedge himself under my skin and stay there like a tick? Well, it’s because this person—pompous little miscreant that he is—uncovered one of my big fears.

I am constantly doubting myself as a writer! Am I too superfluous? After reading his comment, I’m embarrassed to admit that I went back and reread my piece about four times. Cheeks burning, I suddenly noticed all of the words and paragraphs I’d delete if I were to revise and resubmit.

I don’t have a professional editor. I’m my own editor. I’m my own everything when it comes to my writing “career.” I’m doing this MYSELF, Mr. Bruckner. What are you doing by yourself? Probably wiping your butt is my guess.

My bad, I guess the roast wasn’t over.

But my point is, Delvey, at least I’m trying. At least I’m out here trying to say something. It may not be flawless. And I may use a few too many words for your liking.

So now I’m ready to move past the Mark Twain quote… to what I presume are Mr. Bruckner’s own words, which took the form of a sarcastic comment meant to insinuate that I have lots of extra time on my hands… which, please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't get me started on my level of busyness. Delvey, you poked me right in my achilles heel!

Because I’m a mom of a three and five year old, I work full-time at a middle school teaching 70 individual students ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS (papers, Delvey, lots of papers), while also attempting to carve out time to write and brush my teeth and do yoga. Mr. Bruckner, I’d like to see you succeed at my life for five minutes. Why do I feel like your brain might explode on contact?

Last weekend, I told a writer friend about Delvey’s comment. I admitted how much it hurt my feelings and how I wished upon wished that I didn't care about what this clown had to say. The way it served as a violent gut punch.

She said, get ready. This happens. She admitted to not looking at anything on the internet pertaining to her own writing and that one time a message came directly to her inbox from a stranger that read, simply, “You are an idiot.” She also said this kind of personal criticism doesn’t happen as much to men. As women, we’re walking targets.

So Delvey, I’ll end with gratitude. Thank you! Thank you for helping me grow thicker skin. Thank you for helping me to remember that my writing will never speak to everyone. That I cannot please them all. But that maybe, just maybe, I will grow my own following. A following that will not be so bothered by all of my pesky words. That will value my perspective.

Also, thanks for reminding me that some people are just a**holes.

And to all of the people who don’t actively hate my work, I’d like to thank you most of all. For continuing to read. I’m not a perfect writer (is anyone?????) I’m still developing my voice and style. But I love this stuff! And if you like reading what I write, well that makes it all the more worth it.