“Someone once told me on Twitter that I looked like a bag of milk.” -Lena Dunham
Why are people so cruel on the internet?
Okay, so that Lena quote is hysterical, and yes, she was eventually able to make light of it herself. But I’m sure it took her some therapy to get to that place of acceptance. And by the way, in case you were wondering, milk bags are an actual thing. My students used to drink them in Thailand. They are essentially Ziplock bags with skinny straws popped through the tops, not unlike white Capri Suns.
Anyway, it is one thing to think awful things inside of your own head—I certainly do! Like when I’m at the grocery store and someone looks at me wrong, or doesn’t smile at my adorable baby, or gets way too close for comfort during Covid times. I mean, the string of slurs that march through my mind can be shocking. I’ve been known to surprise even myself with my own vitriol.
But you don’t see me running home, stalking those rude, close walkers on social media, and then messaging them. I don’t post all of the awful things I was thinking for the world to read, and certainly not with their name attached.
And here is why. Because most evil thoughts aren’t meant to be published. Because they’re just hurtful.
Lindy West is one of my favorite writers. In 2015, she was featured on This American Life, an episode that has stayed with me since. The first time I listened, I was 29 and cleaning the stove top in my Logan Square apartment. As the episode played, I rage scrubbed the cast iron grates harder and harder. For those who haven’t yet listened, and are unfamiliar with this controversy, the premise is as follows: Lindy’s recently deceased father is resurrected on Twitter via an evil internet troll using the bio, “Embarrassed father of an idiot. Other two kids are fine though.” The troll goes on to abuse and berate West, who is ultimately still grieving the recent death of her father. She decides to confront this man by writing an article about his egregious attacks for the publication Jezebel, entitled Don’t Ignore the Trolls. Feed Them Until They Explode.
What ultimately transpires is the troll reaches out to West, explains he’s had an epiphany, apologizes, and changes his ways. This is obviously not the way the world typically works but all the same it is a satisfying story with a victorious ending.
Other cases of internet bullying have not ended as well.
It’s common knowledge that the reason people feel comfortable being cruel online is because there is often no face attached to their name. There exists an anonymity that bullies find comforting. Cyberbullying runs rampant among youth and continues well into adulthood. Suicide rates among teens age 15-19 rose by 47% between year 2000 and 2017 (Public Broadcasting Service), and suicide is the second leading cause of death for people 15-29 (World Health Organization). It’s hard not to see a correlation between these statistics and rising internet usage in our society.
So in returning to my original question—why do people have to be so mean on the internet? I’m thinking it’s because we are mean. Period. We are deeply critical beings. You should trust me on this subject because I’ve seen evil up close in its purest form: the seventh grader. Nobody is meaner than an insecure seventh grader, who, for one reason or another finds one particular voice extremely annoying and thinks said person is talking too much, and then goes on to tell said person that they need to stop f**king talking, ya dumb b***h. Ahh, memories. Shout out to my old coworkers!
The internet has removed accountability and eye contact, and what has it given us in return? It has exposed our inner middle schooler, and the results ain’t pretty.
Note to reader: It has recently come to my attention that I mention milk quite frequently in my writing. We’ve all heard the saying, you are what you eat. But apparently, we also must be what we write, as I am quite literally a milk-producing factory, and it’s apparently seeped into my newsletter.